


A Room with a View

by readytherhinos



Category: Compilation of Final Fantasy VII, Kingdom Hearts
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Roommates/Housemates, M/M, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-08-11
Updated: 2018-04-30
Packaged: 2018-08-08 01:56:45
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 10
Words: 17,337
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7738978
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/readytherhinos/pseuds/readytherhinos
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When Zack's rooming plans fall through, he moves in with Cloud at the last minute. Sharing a room (and a bed) with his lifelong best friend comes with new feelings and realizations, and overall, a lot more than he signed up for.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is the first fic I've posted in about 7 years and I'm so excited about it! Note that even though PTSD is listed in the tags & will be a significant part of this fic, I'm going to try to keep this as lighthearted & fluffy as possible. Writing this was more or less inspired by how much I wish more happy clack content existed.
> 
> EDIT: WHOOPS sorry about the old heading I left on!

      Cloud walked up the old, worn staircase that led up to Seventh Heaven, a local coffee shop. The decorations didn’t change much, but he was always a bit surprised to see paper skeleton garlands still hanging from the ceiling. They’d gone up last October, so he wasn’t sure whether they had forgotten to take them down or they were intentionally a permanent fixture.  They fit in enough, though, as not a single piece of furniture in the place matched.

      “Mornin’, sunshine!” Tifa called out from behind the counter. “The usual?”

      “Sure, but preferably a bigger version of it,” he said, leaning up against the counter and picking up a menu. “Any idea what Zack would order? He’s meeting me here any minute now.”

      “Oh, I could never forget his order,” Tifa said, laughing. “I don’t think I’ve ever had a customer ask for nearly as much sugar as him.” He handed her the money for both their orders and she took off to the back to start making their drinks.

       Cloud walked over to the side of the counter labeled “pick up” with a chalkboard hanging from the ceiling. He idly picked up one of the strange trinkets lining the counter that looked like a cross between a scarecrow and a clown, which he found unsettling enough separately.

       “Hey, watch it with that…uh…whatever the fuck it is!” Tifa said as she stirred obscene amounts of sugar into Zack’s coffee.

       “Why do the owners insist on keeping shit like this in here?” Cloud asked, amused that Tifa was equally confused about the decoration.

       Tifa shrugged. “They say it gives the place _character_ ,” she said with air quotes around ‘character’, making them both chuckle a bit. “Alright, here you go!” She slid over a Lisa Frank novelty cup and an enormous mug that said ‘#1 Grandpa’ on it.

      “Thanks,” he said, rolling his eyes at her choices of cups. He sat down in the only booth, on the opposite end of the room. It had become his usual spot, because it was much more secluded than the rest of the shop, and Cloud wasn’t exactly a social butterfly. It was also the only area that wasn’t lined with shelves of dusty books, which was a nice bonus.

    Zack arrived a few minutes later, and Tifa pointed to where Cloud sat with their drinks.

      “Hey, sorry I’m late!” Zack said, sliding into the side of the booth across from him. “I wasn’t expecting much traffic.”

      “Yeah, you’d think there wouldn’t be people out this early on a Saturday,” Cloud said with slight agitation, earning a laugh from Zack.

      “It’s noon, Spike. Most people usually rejoin the world of the living long before now,” Zack said with a smirk. “And if I remember correctly, somebody signed up for a 9 AM that starts next week.”

      “Ugh, don’t remind me,” Cloud said, somehow looking even more disgruntled than before. “It was either that or taking it over the summer.”

      Zack snorted. “Good luck with that. Oh, and thanks for buying my coffee.”

     “No problem. So, uh, why did you bring me here exactly?” Cloud asked.

      Zack opened his mouth wide, feigning offense. “Can’t a guy take his best friend out for coffee without a reason?”

      Cloud raised an eyebrow. “Zack, you never make plans in advance. You rarely even warn me before showing up at my house.”

      Zack laughed. “Okay, you have a point.”

      “What is it?”

      Zack’s expression fell. “My roommate screwed me.”

      “Congrats.”

      Zack rolled his eyes, trying not to give Cloud the satisfaction of a laugh. “Okay, screwed me _over_ would be a better way of putting it. One of his friends needed a place to live and took it upon himself to, uh, replace me without any warning.”

    “…Zack. I told you finding a roommate on Craigslist was a bad idea.”

    “I know you did, but I couldn’t find anyone else!” Zack said. “I _thought_ I’d be living with Aerith in the first place, but the whole breakup thing didn’t exactly help with that.”

     “So, the thing you brought me here to talk about?”

     “Yeah, that,” Zack’s eyes avoided Cloud’s for a moment. “I know this is a lot to ask of you, but...I need someone to move in with. I didn’t expect my plans to fall through again, but if you need me to I’ll pay more than an even share of rent and I-“

      “Fine.”

      “…wait, really?” Zack asked with wide eyes.

     “Were you expecting me to say no?”

     “Not exactly? I thought you’d need a little more convincing than that, though. God, I’m relieved,” Zack said, sighing and leaning forward.

      “You callin’ me stubborn?” Cloud asked, just barely keeping a straight face.

     “I mean...yeah, kind of,” Zack said, getting a laugh out of both of them. “But really, thank you for saving my ass, Cloudy. I owe you one.”

     “You’ve put up with me for over a decade. I’d call that even,” Cloud said with a shrug. “There is one issue though.”

     Zack raised his eyebrows. “There is?”

     “I, uh, don’t have an extra room or anything. Or an extra bed.”

    “I can provide the highest quality of cuddling services for your trouble,” Zack said jokingly- well, somewhat jokingly. Zack showed affection to just about anything with a pulse, and his grumpy best friend was no exception.

     “I’m not exactly a cuddler,” Cloud said, rolling his eyes.

     “Need I remind you of the sleepovers we had as kids?” Zack asked.

     Cloud paused. “…I thought there were monsters under the bed.”

     “There must have been lots of monsters under Tifa’s bed in high school, then.”

      Cloud’s cheeks turned a bright shade of red. “I-“

     “Thought so,” Zack said with a smug grin and a nudge to his arm. After a long pause and no response, though, his smile was replaced with a look of concern. “You okay, Cloud? Did I say something?

     Cloud shook his head. “I’m just not in the best mood right now.”

     “Yeah, no shit,” Zack said and winced, immediately realizing how harsh it came out. “…shit, sorry, I didn’t mean it like that. I just…I can tell something’s not right lately. I know that look, Cloud. Something’s bothering you.”

     “Don’t wanna talk about it,” Cloud said, his eyes downcast.

     “Do you not feel like it, or do you not want to bother me with it?” Zack asked. “I’ve seen things eat away at you enough to know when you need to talk.” He took a sip of his coffee, buying himself some time to think his words through more carefully. “Remember that time we both liked Aerith and it took weeks of moping and Tifa forcing us to talk it out for you to realize I wasn’t mad at you?” Zack could think of much more catastrophic situations caused by Cloud’s unwillingness to open up, but bringing those up would probably not go over well.

      “…yeah?” Cloud said.

     “You could’ve saved yourself the trouble by just talking to me about it,” Zack said, crossing his arms. The ‘ _and you’re not getting out of it this time’_ went unvoiced, but Cloud could see it in his face.

      Cloud suppressed a groan. “Alright. I’m just…not particularly looking forward to classes starting.”

     “Anything to do with last year, or something else?”

     “Uh, the first one,” Cloud said, looking at Zack in the most vulnerable way he’d seen in ages. His expression told Zack everything he needed to know, but he wasn’t about to stop him from talking about it. “That, um, episode I had…it’s never been that bad before. I don’t know how to stop it from happening again. I saw what it did to you guys. And not to mention my grades.”

      Zack stood up and made his way to the other side of the booth, squeezing himself in next to Cloud in the small seat.

      “Cloud. Look at me. You’ve been through hell this past year. Well, more than just this year, but the whole hospital thing is…kind of new. You have enough to worry about without me factored in. Yes, I worry about you. Constantly. But as far as I’m concerned, if that’s the price I have to pay for giving a shit about you, I can deal with it.” Zack wrapped his arms around him with no intention of letting go any time soon. “And as grades go…fuck it. I mean, don’t just give up, but there are worse things that could happen. Even if it all goes to shit in the worst ways imaginable, you’ll survive, and I’ll be here to help you pick up the pieces.” Zack gently rubbed Cloud’s upper back, and wordlessly stayed that way for a minute or so.

     Zack pulled back, and placed his hands on Cloud’s shoulders. “I want you to promise me something,” he said, looking directly into Cloud’s eyes.

     “It depends. What?”

     “I need you to promise me you’ll put yourself first this time around. Not me, your brothers, school…you.”

     Cloud stared for a moment, then nodded. “I can try.”

     “Promise?”

     “Yeah.”

     “ _Pinky_ promise?” Zack asked, in an attempt to lighten the mood.

     Cloud snorted and rolled his eyes. “Shut up.”

     “I don’t know, Cloud, how can I tell you’re serious if you won’t pinky promise me on this?” Zack asked with a smirk.

     “Because I’m not five.”

      Zack laughed. “Fiiiine. I guess I’ll have to take your word for it.”

      “Hey, Zack?”

      “Yeah?”

     “I know I don’t say this enough, but…thank you,” Cloud said and smiled faintly.

     “Any time, Spike.”

      “Oh, and, uh, one more thing.”

      Zack raised an eyebrow. “What’s that?”

     “Get up. You’re crushing me here.”

      Zack draped himself over Cloud as dramatically as possible. “This better?”

      “Zack.”

      “Hey, it’s not me. I think someone turned the gravity up too high.”

      “ _Zack_.”

      Zack snickered and lifted himself off of Cloud. “Alright, I’ve tortured you enough today. I’m gonna head out now. Let me know when I can move everything in, okay?”

      Cloud nodded. “Yeah, I’ll call you.”

    

    

     

    

    

     

   

   

   

     


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this took me so long!! I moved into my apartment and had preseason training for band, so I've had almost no writing time. I'm so excited to continue with this! This chapter introduces some of the side KH characters. I didn't tag the ships bc I don't wanna be That Person who gets your hopes up while looking through your otp's tag, but there are gonna be a couple on the side.

     Cloud stumbled through his front doorway, nearly running into the stacks of boxes that had been left untouched for about a week. One perk of living off campus was moving in early, but at this rate, the actual unpacking would happen at the same time anyway. Had they rented an apartment instead of a house, his brothers probably would have packed much less than they did.  

     “Sora, you need to move this stuff into your room! I almost fell!” he shouted across the house. After hearing nothing in response, he knocked on his brother’s door. He could just barely make out a muffled “come in” from the inside of the room. 

     “Hey, Sora, what are you doing in bed so late?” Cloud asked after opening the door. 

      Sora sat up and rubbed his eyes. “Making up for how much sleep I’ll probably miss when school starts.” 

     “Eh, you’ll be fine. It’s not as bad as the horror stories you’re probably hearing,” Cloud said, only partially telling the truth. College was a nightmare for some, himself included at times, but he knew his brother had it in him to make it a positive experience. 

     “But Riku’s always-“ 

     “Riku’s been stressed since _birth_ , Sora,” Cloud interrupted.  

     “…you have a point.” 

    “So, any idea when Rox’ll be home?” 

    “Uhh...he said four, but that’s assuming Axel will get him back on time.” 

     Cloud rolled his eyes. “Okay, probably five then. I have something to run by you guys when he gets home.” 

                                                                     

* * *

       At about 4:30, their arrival was signaled by the door clicking open and a polite greeting of “’Sup, you spiky fucks?” which Cloud didn’t bother to dignify with a response. He knew better than to expect Axel not to come in, but he still wasn’t entirely thrilled when it happened. 

      “Hey, Cloud, what was it you wanted to talk to us about?” Sora asked after Roxas dropped his bag off in his room. 

      Roxas raised an eyebrow. “It’s not anything bad, is it?” 

      Cloud shook his head. “Zack wanted to talk to me today, and it turns out-“ 

      “He wants your dick?” Axel interrupted. Axel’s gay jokes at Cloud’s expense were a regular occurrence. The cause, Cloud assumed, was Axel’s inability to deal with his own feelings. Maybe he just read into things too much, but he’d witnessed a number of looks in his brother’s direction that looked anything but platonic. 

      Cloud, unamused, flipped him off and continued. “His roommate bailed on him, so he asked if he could move in and share a room with me,” he shot a stern look at Axel as to say _don’t you even dare_ , “If that’s alright with you guys, of course.” 

      Sora grinned. “Zack’s gonna live with us?”  

      “Given that Roxas is fine with it too…yeah.” Cloud avoided eye contact. He was never good at asking for favors, even on others’ behalf. 

      Roxas gave a thumbs up. “Hey, that’s less rent we have to pay, right?” 

      “You guys are really fine with this?” 

      “Yeah, why wouldn’t we be?” Sora asked. “Zack is the best!” 

       Cloud shrugged. “Alright, I’ll let him know. Thanks, guys.” 

       He took out his phone to text Zack. 

       Cloud: _Operation:_ _Invade Cloud’s Personal Space_ _is a go._  

Zack: _Thank you sooo much!!!_  

       Zack: _Asshole_  

       Zack: _< 3 _ 

Cloud smiled at the affectionate insult, and began to think that he might like this arrangement more than he initially thought.  

* * *

A couple of hours later, Sora finally got around to unpacking the boxes that obstructed the front doorway. 

       Roxas opened a box and snorted. “Damn, Sora, you sure do love Target’s college section,” he said. He pulled out a Brita filter, collapsible storage bins, several boxes of Command strips, and, well, probably every cliché ‘first year of college’ item imaginable. 

      “Don’t look at me. That was all mom’s idea,” Sora said.  

      “Even the string lights?” 

       Sora paused. “…they’re _pretty_ , okay? And, hey, at least I didn’t bring an MCR poster from seventh grade.” 

       “At least neither of us brought an extra person.” 

       Both brothers laughed at that comment. 

       “I can’t wait to see how that goes,” Sora said. 

       “Axel is gonna have a _field day_ with that.” 

       Sora laughed. “He kinda has a point, though. Ever walked into one of their movie nights?” 

      “You mean their mega hetero cuddlefests?” Roxas said with a shit-eating grin. 

      “Oh man, this is gonna be a _blast_. I swear, those two make Riku and I look like brothers sometimes.” 

      “How come you decided not to live with him, anyway?” Roxas asked, sitting down for a moment. 

     “We figured after doing things long distance, it might be too big of an adjustment,” Sora said while sitting beside his brother. “I love him too much to risk messing things up, yaknow?” A soft smile spread across Sora’s face. 

      Roxas ruffled Sora’s spiky hair. “You guys are disgustingly cute, you know that?” 

      Sora giggled. “Yeah, I guess we are. You and Axel are pretty cute too,” he said with a wiggle of his eyebrows. 

      Roxas’s face turned bright red. “It’s…not like that.” 

      “You suuure about that?” 

      “I mean, yeah,” Roxas said, face downcast. “You’ve seen how he is with Zack and Cloud.” 

      “I don’t know, Rox. It seems like more of a cover-up to me.” 

      Roxas looked up, with a more obviously hopeful expression than intended. “You think so?” 

      Sora grinned. “Why, do you want it to be?” 

      Roxas sighed. “…I don’t know anymore, honestly.” He turned to Sora and brought his knees in, resting his arms on them. “He’s, like, my favorite person, and my best friend, but something seems…off, you know? Like something’s changed, and I don’t know if that’s a good thing.” 

      “So, basically, you have feelings for him, but you’re too afraid to admit it to yourself because it might screw things up?” 

      Roxas’s eyes widened the moment he’d processed what his brother said. “… _shit_.” 

      Sora laughed and leaned over to hug Roxas. “I knew it! You can’t keep a secret from me for too long. 

     “Or myself, apparently,” Roxas said, communicating amusement with his smile and ‘dear god, help me’ with his eyes. 

     “Sooooo,” Sora teased and nudged him with his elbow. 

     “So…?” 

     “What are you gonna do about it?” 

     “Sora. I’ve known this for, like, a minute. I haven’t exactly had time to plan this.” 

     “So you _are_ gonna do something?” 

     Roxas shrugged. “Good question.” He looked at his brother timidly.. “What did you do?” 

     “I told him, since he was too stubborn to do anything about it.” 

     “Well, good thing Axel and I are stubborn as hell.”  

     Sora laughed. “You have a point. You’ll figure things out sooner or later, I’m sure.” 

     “God, I sure hope so.” Roxas got up and picked up a box to bring to his room. “I better start unpacking stuff, but thanks for the advice, Sor.” 

     “You better keep me updated on this,” Sora said. 

     “If there’s anything to ever update you on, yeah, maybe.” Roxas closed his bedroom door behind him, wishing he could hide there for a long time out of embarrassment of what he just admitted.  

    

   

    

    

      

      

        

 

 

 

      

     

      

        

        

      

         

         

         

         

        

         

    

   

    

 


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey everyone!! I had a lot of fun writing this chapter & I'm excited to share it with you guys! Just a heads up: this chapter is when things start to get more...college-y. So if alcohol is an uncomfortable topic for you, you might wanna steer clear of this chapter.

     Cloud woke to a knock on his bedroom door.  Or partially woke, really. He mumbled something that sounded vaguely like " _what?_ ", and within seconds Zack was sitting at the edge of his bed. 

     "Morning, chocobo heeeead," Zack said in a sing-song voice. He pulled off the blanket and nudged Cloud's arm repeatedly until he finally sat up and faced him. 

     Cloud groaned. "Why are you here so early?" He asked, his voice unusually high from sleepiness and confusion.  

     Zack giggled. "God, you must not have slept much last night. It's ten. When we said I'd start moving in, remember?" 

    Cloud took a moment to process the question, and by his face, it appeared much too complex for his 'Twenty-Something Who Just Woke Up' brain. "...ohhhhh. Right." 

   "Okay, you really do need more sleep," Zack said. He ruffled Cloud's already messy hair and looked at him with concern. "Bad dreams?"  

    Cloud nodded.  

   "Anything you wanna talk about?" 

    Cloud shook his head. "Just the usual, really. I'll be fine." Cloud hadn't ever completely opened up with what he meant by 'the usual', but Zack picked up enough details here and there to have a general idea of what bothered him so frequently. 

   "Alright. I'm gonna leave you alone for a while and start bringing some stuff in.” Zack got up to leave the room, and paused for a moment. He turned around and smirked at Cloud. “Nice boxers, by the way.”

  Cloud, with horror in his eyes, yanked his blanket over himself to cover the chocobo patterned boxers in question.

* * *

 

     Cloud got up for a second time a few hours later, with intentions of actually staying up, and with pants on. He opened his door to find a substantial amount of boxes of things he would somehow have to fit in with his. He weaved his way through the stacks of boxes in the hallway, wondering how Zack managed to get all of them near the top of the stairs without hurting himself. By some miracle, he made it past them without tripping.

     “God, Zack, those are some huge-ass boxes up there!” he called out as he walked down the stairs. He snorted and rolled his eyes when was met with a resounding chorus of “ass boxes” from his brothers and Zack. He picked up a ‘live, laugh, love’ pillow that had been a gag gift from Axel and moved it aside to make room on the couch next to Zack. “Would ‘ass boxes’ be boxes of asses, or ass-shaped boxes?”

     Zack laughed, visibly surprised that Cloud acknowledged his awful joke. “I’m afraid I’m all out of both.”

     “Hey, man, any ass works as a box if you’re brave enough,” Roxas interjected. A mixture of horror and hysterical laughter swept across the room.

     “Looks like that extra sleep did you some good,” Zack said, nudging Cloud’s arm. “Ready to start unpacking stuff?”

     Cloud nodded and headed for the stairs. Once he wasn’t looking, Zack pointed to Roxas and mouthed “Go.”

* * *

     While Zack kept Cloud busy with unpacking, Roxas grabbed Sora by the arm and led him out the front door.

     “Wait, where are we going?” Sora asked with a puzzled look, taking his arm out of Roxas’s grasp.

     “Can you keep a secret?”

     “Uh…sure?”

     Roxas smirked. “You know how Cloud’s birthday is tomorrow?”

     Sora mirrored his facial expression back at him. “Are we throwing him a party?”

     “Hell yeah, we are. Zack texted me about it the other day. He has it all planned out, and we’re in charge of getting…basically everything but alcohol.”

     Sora snickered. “He’s gonna be so mad we hid this from him.”

     “Oh, he definitely is. That’s the best part. But it _is_ his 21 st, so he should know to expect this kind of thing by now.”

     “So, wait…did you say alcohol?”

     “I did. Tifa’s helping us out with that part. You’re gonna _love_ seeing Cloud drunk, it’s…an experience.”

      Sora laughed. “Oh my god, I can only imagine. But you can’t drink yet, right?”

     Roxas let out a snort-laugh combination despite his best efforts not to. “Sora, if you think my age is gonna stop me, you’re in for a lot of surprises.”

* * *

 

     Hours later, after food and supplies had been cleverly stashed away and Zack enacted his ‘Keep Cloud Busy: Stage 2’ plan of occupying him with video games, Roxas received a text from Tifa.

     Tifa: _The eagle is in the nest._

     Roxas: _????_

     Tifa: _I have the booze. Open the door._      

     Roxas slowly eased the door open to avoid any noise Cloud might hear from upstairs. He walked to Tifa’s car to pick up a few bags she wouldn’t be able to carry by herself in one trip.

     The two placed a wide assortment on the counter: various ingredients for mixed drinks, rummy bears, and, Cloud’s favorite, Fireball Jell-o shots.

     “Tifa, you could kill someone with this amount of alcohol,” Roxas said, eyes wide at everything she’d brought.

      Tifa laughed. “Don’t worry, Zack invited a lot of people. And we drew the line at Axel bringing brownies.”

      Sora raised an eyebrow. “What’s wrong with brownies?”

      Roxas stared at him as to say ‘You know exactly what’ until it hit him.

      “…ohhhhh.” Roxas and Tifa laughed.

      “Yeah. I’m sure you’re not too surprised with him being such a law-abiding citizen,” Roxas said, getting a laugh out of Sora. “Oh, by the way, don’t have too many of those gummy bears. Those have a fun twist to them too.”

      Sora giggled. “Yeah, I figured with that. I’m starting to pick up on these things.”

      Tifa picked up the gummy bears in question and hid them in the back of the fridge. “Really, though Sora, be careful. This is all new to you, so don’t think you have to go along with everything everybody else does.”

      Sora smiled and gave her a thumbs up. “Don’t worry, Teef. My mom’s given me more than enough lectures for me to know not to go nuts with that.” Tifa served as the unofficial mom of the group, so that was likely not the end of all the motherly alcohol safety lectures he’d receive.

     “Good. I’m not gonna go too crazy tonight, so I can keep all of you from doing dumb stuff.”

     Roxas laughed. “Good luck with that. Axel’s gonna be here.”

     Tifa giggled. “Okay, maybe not dumb stuff, but terribly dangerous stuff.” She put the last of the bottles away in the fridge, which turned out to be perfect timing before Cloud came down the stairs.

     Cloud entered the kitchen and tilted his head upon seeing everyone. “Tifa? What are you doing here?”

     “Oh, nothing, I’m just here to check up on you guys and see the house. It looks pretty nice so far!” she replied. Roxas, and Sora stood and grinned awkwardly, as if they were sitcom characters who had just been told to ‘act natural’.

      Cloud raised an eyebrow. “Uuhhh…sure.” He reached into the cabinet for a glass, making everyone else in the room more apprehensive with every inch he got closer to the fridge. All three tried their best to hide their relief when Cloud was just getting water from the sink. He left the room after giving Tifa another confused expression, and headed upstairs.

      Tifa sighed when he reached his room. “Oh god, he might be onto us.” She sent a text to Zack.

      Tifa: _I think he suspects something. Keep him distracted._

      Zack: _Mario Kart it is._

* * *

 

      After an hour or so of setting up and mixing drinks, Tifa’s task of keeping the house quiet became more and more difficult. Groups of guests trickled in every few minutes, and once Axel and Yuffie arrived, it was nearly impossible to keep the chatter at a whisper level.

      Once no one appeared to be missing, she signaled the room with a thumbs up and mouthed “now”, and the already tightly packed group crouched down off to the sides of the living room. She and Aerith stood in the kitchen, grinning with excitement.

     “I think we’re good to go,” Aerith whispered. Tifa nodded and texted Zack.

      Tifa: _It’s time._  
      Zack: _yeeeee_

      Cloud walked out to the top of the stairs, and it showed on his face the second he saw the clusters of people attempting to hide in the living room.

     “God dammit,” he said, causing a roar of laughter throughout the house. He turned to Zack and squinted. “This was your idea, wasn’t it?”

     Zack grinned evilly. “Sure was.” He wrapped his arm around Cloud’s shoulder. “The second I saw how stressed you were this semester, I was like ‘ _damn, I’m getting you drunk soon’_ ”.

     Cloud snorted. “I hate you sometimes.”

     “Love you too,” Zack said, laughing and pulling him closer.

     “You guys gonna come down here, or are you gonna spend the whole night canoodling?” Axel called out.

      “I will canoodle with my best friend for as long as I goddamn please!” Zack shouted back, looking far less embarrassed than Cloud.

     They made it downstairs soon, and were greeted by Aerith.

     “Happy birthday, Cloud!” she said, pulling him into a hug. “I brought your favorite board game!”

      Sora, who stood nearby, looked at Roxas with confusion. “You guys play board games?”

      Roxas laughed and rested a hand on his brother’s shoulder. “You’ll understand soon.”

      Everyone gathered around the coffee table in the living room. On top of it, Aerith placed a large piece of poster board with a game drawn on it, and a bag of makeshift game pieces such as a bottle cap, a paperclip, and 1 gil coin. Tifa passed around cups of her signature “blue materia” jungle juice.

     “Alright, birthday boy goes fiiirst!” Aerith called out excitedly, handing dice to Cloud. He rolled a 3, and Aerith announced the spot he landed on. “Freshmen drink!”

     Cloud looked in horror as Sora and Kairi both took sips. “Fuck, I’m old.” He sternly looked at Sora, not even having to say anything for ‘I do not approve of this’ to be communicated.

     Tifa giggled. “Don’t worry, Cloudy, I’m babysitting your little brother tonight,” she said. This made him feel a bit more comfortable with the idea, as much as he’d never admit it.

     Zack’s turn was next, and grinned when he saw that he’d landed on his favorite spot. He shouted out “Chocobo nests all around!” and the majority of the room began to laugh and ruffle their hair.

     “What’s going on?” Sora asked.

     Roxas snickered. “If you land on it, everyone has to make their hair as messy as Cloud’s.”

     Sora giggled. “He sure looks thrilled about it.”

     “Oh, he hates it. It’s the best.”

     A few less interesting turns passed, until Roxas landed on the place labeled ‘virgins drink’. Trying to hide the blush on his face, he took a sip of his drink, and so did Kairi and Namin _é._ An uncomfortable silence swept over the room the moment everyone noticed that Sora didn’t. Sora and Riku looked down, hoping no one would look at them for long. Cloud put his face in his hands.

     Zack broke the silence with a chuckle and reached out a hand for a high five. “Up top, Riku!” he said, getting a laugh out of others in the room, and causing Cloud to sink down further.

     “I _really_ did not need to know that,” Cloud mumbled loud enough for only Zack to hear.

     “…oookaaay, how about Barret goes next?” Aerith suggested, trying to spare Sora any more embarrassment.

      Barret landed on a spot marked ‘Yeehaw!’ and Roxas ran up to his room, quickly bringing back down a massive red cowboy hat. He placed it on Barret’s head, leaving everyone but him in the room with an amused expression.

      “What’s a cowboy hat got to do with a damn drinking game?” Barret asked, huffing and crossing his arms.

      “Absolutely nothing. That’s what makes it great,” Tifa said, giggling. “You should have seen Cloud in it last time.”

      “You do make a great cowboy, Cloud,” Zack teased. Cloud laughed, looking a bit tipsy already. The usual progression that eventually led to drunk cuddling was underway.

      The game went on for a bit longer, and once it started to get old, the idea of watching a movie came up.

      “Did anyone bring anything to watch?” Tifa asked. Axel grinned deviously and held out a DVD case. Tifa looked at the cover for ‘Zombie Chocobos’ and rolled her eyes. “If you actually make me sit through this, I’m gonna regret agreeing to be DD.”

     “It’s a cinematic masterpiece , Tifa,” Axel insisted.

      Roxas walked over and grabbed one of the jello shots from the counter. “He’s made me watch it probably five times by now, and I am not drunk enough for that yet.”

      Zack laughed. “I think I am. Let’s do it.”

      Everyone got comfortable under blankets, and Tifa turned the lights off after putting the ‘cinematic masterpiece’ in the DVD player. ‘Scary’ synthesized music began to play with the opening title sequence, and Zack and Cloud broke out into a fit of giggles.

      “This is fucking fantastic already,” Cloud said as he snuggled up to Zack under the blanket.

      “Oh, just you wait,” Axel replied.

       The movie began with the most cliché ‘isolated cabin in the woods’ opening possible, and everyone shouted at the screen like the professional film critics they found themselves to be.

       “She’s gonna die first, I’m calling it,” Yuffie said with a mouth full of popcorn.

       Yuffie’s prediction came true when the main character was mauled brutally by a large fluffy bird.

       “Cloud, stop killing people!” Zack shouted out.

       Cloud laughed and rolled his eyes. “I’ll try my best.”

       The movie continued to be as hilariously shitty as it was predictable, and after an hour of the least realistic gore they’d ever seen, Zack and Cloud were huddled together, fast asleep.

       Tifa left to drive some of their friends home, but not before snapping a photo of them cuddling and texting it to Cloud for him to find the next morning.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! I seriously had no idea it'd almost been a month since I updated. College is busy and stressful (as it will be for the characters in this fic within a chapter or two) so I got distracted.

        Cloud opened his eyes, disoriented and confused to find himself on the couch, clinging to his best friend’s side like a koala. His face turned red as he attempted to untangle himself from Zack without waking him.

       “Nnh…Cloud?” Zack mumbled in a sleepy voice, eyes slowly opening. Cloud scooted farther away from him, hoping he didn’t notice that he woke up with his legs wrapped around him.

      “Mornin’,” Cloud said softly.

      “Happy actual birthday,” Zack said, resting his hand on Cloud’s shoulder. “I don’t even remember falling asleep. What time is it?”

      “Good question,” Cloud said. He took out his phone, eyes widening when he saw the time. “It’s one already.”

      “Shit, I was supposed to go run errands hours ago,” Zack said, standing up and heading toward the stairs to go change. “Wanna come with me?”

       Cloud shrugged. “Ehh…”

      “I’ll buy you coffee?”

      Cloud sighed in defeat. “Fine.”

      After getting into his car a few minutes later, Zack looked at his phone and snorted. “Did Tifa send you this too?” he asked, showing Cloud the photo of them from last night.

     Cloud avoided eye contact, hoping he wasn’t blushing (which he absolutely was). “I was hoping it was just me.”

     Zack laughed. “Hey, I don’t think it’s _that_ embarrassing. Nothin’ wrong with a little friend cuddling.” He nudged Cloud’s arm, hoping to help him lighten up a little. “I mean, we do share a bed now.”

    Cloud rolled his eyes, smiling slightly. “Yeah, you have a point. I just look ridiculous in that photo”

    “Oh, and I don’t?” Zack said, pulling up the photo again and zooming in to show Cloud his face. His head was pressed to Cloud’s shoulder, mouth wide open, looking like he was snoring or drooling, or maybe both.

    Cloud snorted. “Okay, yeah, you do look worse.”

    Zack smirked, putting his phone away and starting the car. “And yet somehow…people still want a piece of this,” he said, gesturing toward himself.

    Cloud laughed and tried not to overthink Zack’s hesitation on the word ‘people’. He knew way more than he’d like to about Zack’s recent relationships, but he’d recently become oddly vague whenever that sort of topic came up. Cloud usually knew _much_ more than he needed to know about whoever Zack was dating or sleeping with. He would be more than okay with not knowing any details if it wasn’t so unlike Zack to be private about it.

    Cloud snapped out of his state of intense thinking when he heard “Hey, Cloud, you still here?” from the driver’s seat.

    “Uh, what?”

    “I asked if you wanted to do coffee before or after, but I think you just answered that for me,” Zack said. He reached over and rested a hand on Cloud’s shoulder. “Is everything okay, Spiky? You were really zoned out there.”

    Cloud gave a thumbs up and an uneasy grin. “Yeah, I’m fine. Just hung over and kinda out of it.” Zack didn’t exactly look convinced, but he dropped the subject anyway.

    They ran into Tifa immediately after entering Seventh Heaven, and were met with “Hey, you two” and a smirk.

    Cloud and Zack looked at each other in confusion. “What’s that face for?” Cloud asked.

    “Just wondering if you guys enjoyed my text from last night,” Tifa said.

    Zack leaned against the counter and laughed while Cloud stood back with distant eyes. “Oh, come on, that’s nothing new,” Zack said.

    “I’ve never succeeded in documenting it, though,” Tifa said, giggling. “Now what can I get you boys? Something very caffeinated for Cloud, I’m assuming?”

    “Literally _anything_ but that new kale infused coffee you have up on that sign outside,” Zack said.

     Tifa closed her eyes for a moment and shook her head. “Don’t get me started. _Please_.”

     Zack snorted. Watching Tifa deal with her ‘goddamn pretentious hipster bosses’ was the highest form of entertainment to all of her friends.

     “Hey, it’s not my fault you work in a coffee shop directed by Wes Anderson,” Zack said. Cloud and Tifa doubled over with laughter, and Zack found himself laughing at his own joke with them.

_Okay, I got a laugh out of him. Maybe he really is fine,_ Zack thought.

     “So, one small decaf and one cup of liquefied kale to go?” Tifa asked.

      Zack laughed and handed his card to Tifa. “Sounds perfect.”

      Cloud felt his phone vibrate in his pocket for the first of many times that day.

* * *

       Cloud ignored his phone for the second time as he entered the store Zack had dragged him to.

       “What exactly are we here for?” Cloud asked, looking around at the intimidating maze of furniture displays around him.

       Zack looked at the memo he’d written on his phone earlier. “I have no goddamn idea how to pronounce the name of it, but it’s a dresser. I don’t want to take up too much of your space.”

      “Good idea,” Cloud said. “Good luck putting it together, though.”

      “Oh god, I forgot about that part,” Zack said, looking at Cloud with his signature puppy eyes.

“Yes, I’ll help you with it,” Cloud agreed before even being asked. Helping out with it in the first place would be way better than the time he had to help take apart and rebuild a ‘NORNÄS’ that Zack had put together backwards.

      “Thank yooouuu,” Zack said, visibly relieved. He led Cloud upstairs and weaved through a number of model rooms with only a vague idea of where he was going.

     “Damn, this would be a perfect new look for our room,” Zack joked as they walked through a sea of pink princess-themed decorations. “It’s a damn shame adult sized beds don’t come with slides like this,” he said, gesturing toward the extravagant children’s bed in the center of the room.

     “A shame for _you_ , maybe,” Cloud said, amusement coming through in his voice, “You’d never leave the house if you had one.”

     “Oh, like _you_ ever leave the house, you party animal,” Zack said, picking up a huge pink teddy bear from the bed and lightly whacking Cloud’s arm with it.

      Cloud snorted. “I’m out of the house right now.”

      “Only because I talked you into it.”

      Before Cloud could construct a clever comeback, a voice came onto the model room’s speakers.

      “Sir, please put back the display bear,” it said, throwing Cloud and Zack into a fit of giggles.

      “Let’s go get your dresser before you get us kicked out of here,” Cloud said. He _definitely_ hadn’t ignored his phone ringing for a third just then. He was just too busy goofing off. Clearly.

* * *

      After some more searching and Cloud repeatedly insisting that they had no need for an ‘EKTORP’ (“But the name is _hilarious_!”), they made it back to the car. Cloud held his phone on his lap, and he groaned when he felt a vibration and saw the name ‘Genesis’ displayed on the screen.

    “Uh, you gonna get that, Cloud?” Zack asked, glancing at Cloud’s phone as he sat down.

     Cloud wordlessly shook his head.

    “Aren’t you two fine now?” Zack turned to look at him. “Cloud…he’s your brother. He probably just wants to talk to you on your birthday.”

    “It’s more complicated than that.”

     Zack sighed. “Look, I underst-“

    “No, you don’t understand,” Cloud snapped, looking away from Zack. “I really don’t want to talk about this right now, okay?”

    Zack sat quietly and started the car, internally kicking himself. _Great fuckin’ job, Zack, you upset your best friend on his birthday_ , he thought. He’d have to find a way to apologize later, but he knew well by now that talking to Cloud when he’s angry tends not to work.

    Cloud had always been vague whenever he mentioned his older brother, if he brought him up at all. Zack knew enough to tell that they didn’t have a great relationship, and that something happened a few years back to make it worse. That ‘something’, though, was a mystery to him. All he knew about it was that it was still affecting him somehow, and that Tifa was the only one outside his family who knew more about it.

    He’d considered asking Tifa or one of Cloud’s brothers about it a number of times, but he never had the heart to pry into such a clearly sensitive issue with Cloud. It hurt to know that Cloud wouldn’t confide in him, but maybe he’d be ready to at some point. He just had to keep trying not to take it personally.

   The uncomfortable silence continued when they reached home, and Cloud went straight to their bedroom. Knowing better than to follow him, Zack knocked on Sora’s door.

   “Hey, Zack!” Sora said in his usual cheerful voice when he opened the door. His smile faded when he saw the dejected look on Zack’s face. “Is something wrong?”

   “I fucked up, Sora,” Zack said, closing the door behind them.

    Sora sat down on his bed and patted the space next to him. “What happened?”

    Zack sighed and sat down beside him. “Genesis was calling Cloud a bunch of times and-“

   “Oh god, this can’t be going anywhere good,” Sora said. “Sorry, didn’t mean to interrupt.”

   “It’s fine,” Zack reassured him. “Anyway, he kept ignoring the phone, and when I said he should answer, he got seriously pissed at me.”

    Sora winced. “Yeah, that’s…that’s a really sensitive thing for him, Zack.”

    Zack nodded. “I know it is, and I feel like shit for it.” He slumped back onto the wall adjacent to Sora’s bed, and looked at him with furrowed brows. “I wish I knew more, Sora. So I could help. And so I could stop upsetting him like this.”

   “I can’t really tell you much, but I know one thing,” Sora said. “We just have to give him time. He’ll talk about it more when he’s ready to.” Sora moved closer to Zack to lean against him. “He doesn’t tell me much because he’s afraid to make his little brother sad, but something tells me he’ll open up to his best friend sooner or later.”

   “God, I sure hope so,” Zack said. “What do you think I should do now?”

   “Like I said, give him some time. Also, I’d apologize in a little while if I were you.”

    Zack nodded. “Yeah, he seriously deserves an apology. Mind keeping me company until then?”

   “Of course not!” Sora said with a soft smile. “You’re like another big brother to me, so you’re always welcome here whenever Cloud’s in one of his moods.”

   “Thanks, Sora. Let’s just hope it isn’t my fault next time.”

* * *

    A few hours later, Zack knocked on the bedroom door.

    “Who is it?” he heard Cloud ask.

    “It’s Zack. I wanna talk to you if that’s okay.”

    Cloud paused for a moment that felt like an eternity to Zack. “You can come in,” he said, to Zack’s relief.

    “Hey,” Zack said softly, sitting down beside Cloud on their bed. “I wanna apologize for earlier.”

     Cloud shook his head. “Don’t worry about it”

     “No, seriously, Cloud,” Zack insisted. “I knew that was a sensitive subject for you and I pushed it anyway. I should have known better than to upset you like that.”

     “It’s okay, Zack,” Cloud said, making direct eye contact with Zack for the first time in hours. “I’m sorry I snapped at you.”

     Zack pulled Cloud into a hug. “You don’t have to tell me anything you don’t want to about that, okay?” Zack said, softly running his hand up and down Cloud’s back in an attempt to comfort him. “I’m gonna do a better job of respecting that from now, I promise.”                      

     Cloud rested his head on Zack’s shoulder. “Thank you, Zack,” he said, voice shaking slightly. “I think I’ll be able to tell you all about it soon. Just not right now.”

     “No rush, Cloudy,” Zack said. He pulled back and looked at Cloud. “I don’t know about you, but I’m gonna go to bed. I have a pretty long day ahead of me tomorrow.”

     “I think I should too,” Cloud said. He grabbed a t-shirt and a pair of pajama pants and headed toward his bathroom.

     “Hey, uh, I don’t care if you change in here,” Zack said. “I mean, you don’t have to. Just saying I won’t be weirded out by it.”

     “Oh, uh, alright,” Cloud said. He took his shirt off and Zack found his eyes glued to his best friend for a few seconds. He'd seen Cloud without a shirt on countless times in his life, but it'd been a while, and Cloud's muscles _definitely_ weren't that toned a year ago. _Damn, when did Cloud get so filled out? I mean, he's always had really nice arms but-_ Zack thought. He took a moment to process what had just popped into his head and snapped out it the second he realized what he was doing. _Okay, that's...that's new. I'm just gonna pretend that didn't happen._

     Cloud got under the covers soon after Zack, who turned to look at him.

     “Feeling any better?” Zack asked.

     “Yeah, a little," Cloud said, making himself comfortable underneath the warm blankets.

     Zack leaned in slightly closer. "Hey, so, uh..."

     "So...?"

     "Um. About the cuddling thing I said when I first asked you about this," Zack said, trying not to let his discomfort through to his voice, "I wasn't entirely kidding. I know you get really anxious at night, and have nightmares and all that, so...I'm here."

     Cloud smiled softly and, after a moment of hesitation, moved over to rest his head on Zack's chest. "You're too nice to me," he said.

     Zack chuckled at the muffled sound of Cloud's voice and wrapped his arms around him. "You deserve it."

     Cloud felt himself getting sleepier, and shifted a little bit to rest more comfortably on top of Zack. As much as he normally liked his space, he had to admit he was liking this arrangement already. Something about falling asleep in Zack's arms gave him a sense of security, and he had a feeling he'd be sleeping a little better from now on.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, just a note: as far as Cloud's trauma/family issues starting to develop in this, a lot of it is gonna be loosely drawn from personal experiences, meaning it won't be the easiest thing to write/talk about. Just a warning I wanna throw out there as far as update frequency & comments go.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>        Cloud woke to his alarm at 8:00 AM. Grumbling, he rolled over to where Zack had been the night before, only to find an empty space. _He’s up this early?_

       After getting dressed with his typical morning sloth-like efficiency, Cloud walked downstairs to find Zack standing in front of the stove with plates of bacon, eggs and pancakes beside him on the counter.

      “Morning, sunshine!” Zack called out, flipping over a pancake. “Sleep well?”

      Cloud shrugged. “Ehh. As well as I could, I guess. What’s all this?” Cloud asked, gesturing to the food.

      “You guys have been pretty generous with letting me move in and all, so I thought I might as well surprise my Strife boys with some breakfast,” Zack said with a wide smile.

      An unusual feeling of warmth hit Cloud for a moment at the sound of ‘ _my_ Strife boys’. “I swear, I wish I had half the energy you do in the morning,” he said, yawning. “Oh, and, uh, thanks. I’m startin’ to like all the perks of this living situation.”

      Zack chuckled. “Don’t expect this _too_ often.” He handed Cloud a plate with the best smiley face pancake he could attempt with scrambled eggs, and Cloud snorted at the sight. “Hey, I tried my best here, Cloud,” Zack said with mock offense.

     “Its eyes just look so sad. I guess I have no choice but to put it out of its misery,” Cloud said, getting an eyeroll in response.

      “Hey, you mind waking up Sora for me while I heat up his veggie bacon? I don’t think his alarm went off.”

      “Yeah, sure,” Cloud said, pausing in thought for a moment. “Wow, you remembered that for him?”

       Zack nodded. “How could I forget the day the poor kid came into your room crying because Roxas told him what chicken is?”

       “Oh, right, you were there. God, that was ages ago,” Cloud said as he headed to Sora’s room. He sometimes forgot what a huge chunk of his life Zack had been around for. Even then, Cloud found it remarkable just how many small details Zack was able to recall, and how caring he was in accounting for them. It wasn’t that Cloud cared any less than him, necessarily, but memory wasn’t exactly in his favor when it came to attempting kind gestures.

       After being all but physically dragged out of bed, Roxas and Sora joined the other two at the table.

      “Sooo, how’s our college boy doing this morning?” Zack asked Sora with a nudge to the arm.

       Sora grinned sheepishly. “Good, I guess. A little nervous.”

       “You’re gonna be fine,” Zack reassured him. “You know some people from band already, right?” Sora had to get to Midgar early to spend two weeks straight at band camp, so with that, it was hard to imagine he hadn’t already built a large group of friends.

        Sora nodded. “Yeah! All of the clarinets are so nice, and treated me like family. And even without them I’ve known Riku for so long I’m sure I’ll manage.”

       “ _Known_ Riku,” Roxas said, raising an eyebrow.

      Sora squinted. “What?”

     “Y’know, like, biblically?” Roxas said, leaning back and waiting for the rest to process it.

     Sora turned bright red and Cloud groaned. “Roxas, it’s eight in the fucking morning,” Cloud said, unable to even look in the general direction of his brothers.

     “I think whatever little peace he had in forgetting Saturday just left,” Zack said, suppressing a laugh impressively well.

    “It sure did,” Cloud said. An uncomfortable silence followed- well, uncomfortable for Cloud. The rest took a moment to finish eating and silently enjoy the look on Cloud’s face.

     “So where are you guys off to?” Zack asked, specifically to Roxas and Sora, knowing perfectly well what awaited Cloud in ‘orgo hell’ by now.

     “Music theory! I’m super excited,” Sora responded.

     “And you?” Zack asked Roxas.

     “I don’t have class until later, but I have to meet with my adviser before figure drawing,” Roxas said.

     “Isn’t that the one with naked models?” Zack asked, and Roxas nodded. “Hey, Cloud, there’s a job f-“ He was cut off by a “ _Don’t_ ” from Cloud and giggles followed.

     “Did I miss the memo for ‘be a little shit to Cloud’ day or something?” Cloud asked.

      Roxas smirked. “Oh, that’s _every_ day for us. It’s our job, you know.”

      “Yeah, Cloud, your nude modeling gig can only cover so much of the bills,” Zack said, finally getting a laugh out of Cloud as well as the others.  

* * *

 

       Cloud opened the door to the auditorium in which his organic chemistry class would start in a few minutes. He hesitantly looked around at the sea of mostly full seats until he spotted an unmistakable pink hair bow.

      “There you are, Cloudy! I saved you a seat,” Aerith said as Cloud approached her. “You alright this morning?”

       Cloud gave a wavy hand gesture. “Ehh. Not particularly looking forward to this class,” he said. He pulled up the tiny desk and set a notebook on it.

      “Aw, it’s probably not as hard as people say. Besides, we can study together,” Aerith said in her usual motherly fashion. Maybe motherly isn’t the best description for an ex, but it had been several years since the two had been anything but friends.

      “I’d like that. Zack offered to help but we’re not much different when it comes to anything math related,” Cloud said. Between Zack’s inattention and Cloud second guessing himself, they didn’t always make a great pair with studying.

       Aerith nodded in understanding. “How’s the roommate situation going?” she asked.

       “A lot better than I thought, actually. He’s been really good to me and my brothers,” Cloud said.

       “Glad to hear he hasn’t driven you nuts yet,” Aerith said, giggling.

        Cloud laughed. “Yet? Should I be worried?”

        “I’m only kidding. I think it’ll be good for you to have someone so caring looking out for you,” Aerith said. She smiled with the slightest hint of wistfulness in her eyes.

        Cloud had no trouble noticing her expression, and leaned closer to her. “You miss living with him?” he asked.

         Aerith pursed her lips. “I do, sometimes,” she admitted. “I know things weren’t meant to be with him as my boyfriend, but I miss his companionship.

        “You’re still close, though, right?”

        Aerith paused for a moment to think. “Hmm…yes and no. It’s like there’s this…rift between us, and I can’t seem to figure out how to bring things back to normal.”

       “If you ask me, bringing it up might be the only way. He’s not one for being indirect,” Cloud said.

       “You do have a point there,” Aerith said. “I’ll think about talking to him about it soon.”

        “I can invite you over and find some excuse to leave you for a bit,” Cloud said.

         Aerith grinned. “You’re the best, Cloud. Maybe next week?”

        “Sure,” Cloud said. “I think we’re doing something next Friday, so carpooling could be a good excuse to have you over.”

        “Perfect! So,” she said, changing the subject with a gleam in her eye. “How’s sharing a bed?”

        Before Cloud could even sputter or attempt to deflect the question, the professor began to speak on a microphone, silencing all of the chatter in the room. _Thank god_ , Cloud thought, hoping Aerith would drop the subject there.

        “I’ll text you later, you’re not getting out of that one,” Aerith whispered.   

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! First of all I am SO sorry about how long this update took! Life got kinda intense just when I expected things to calm down, so writing had to take a backseat for a while. (Also, FFXV owns my ass now and is a huge distraction) Thank you so much for all the kudos and comments this fic received in the meantime!
> 
> Also, good news: chapter 6 is about halfway done (and has way more plot development than this one) so that'll hopefully be up soon!


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just wanna throw out a quick thank you to everyone for the feedback & to jordypordy for helping out with this (and the previous) chapter!! This one has been my favorite to write so far and I hope you enjoy!

     Roxas felt a cool breeze rush by him, appreciating the change from the usual unforgiving heat of Midgar in August. He leaned his portfolio case against a bench and sat down to wait for Axel. Sipping the latte he had earlier failed to talk himself out of buying, he watched as the wind blew through the Spanish moss hanging from the trees above him. Having been built long before most of the city, the university stood out in stark contrast to Midgar’s modern architecture. The campus’s brick buildings and abundance of trees gave it a slight resemblance to Roxas’ home in Nibelheim, which he’d find himself missing every now and then.

    He spotted a familiar mess of firetruck red hair in the distance and put on the most exaggerated angry face possible. He held out the back of his hand with his fingertips together, in the gesture that marked their _incredibly mature_ ongoing game of ‘if you look at it, you’re gay.’ Axel rolled his eyes and mirrored the gesture as he approached.

    “You ready to go, Rucksack?” Axel asked, crossing his arms.

     Roxas nodded and stood up carefully, making sure not to spill his coffee. “Rucksack? That’s a new one,” he said. He felt a strange fondness for the nicknames Axel came up with for him, as ridiculous as they were. Axel could literally call him ‘asshole’ (as he did often) and he would still feel a rush of affection for his best friend. _I’m in **that** deep, I guess,_ was the first thing to pop into his head after that discovery.

     “I try,” Axel said. He looked mostly normal, wearing his typical smug look, but something about the way he carried himself seemed…off. ‘Off’ in a way Roxas couldn’t quite put his finger on. Maybe it was the unusually large distance he kept while walking beside Roxas, or the visible tension in his shoulders. Whatever it was, it was concerning, but not quite concerning enough to bring it up yet. Axel had a tendency to get upset when even his closest friends pried, and an irritated Axel was the _last_ thing he wanted to put up with today.

     “So, how are classes?” Roxas asked, attempting to distract himself from Axel’s unusual disposition.

     Axel shrugged. “They’re alright, I guess. Nothin’ new going on, really,” he said. “Yours?”

     “Ehhh, a little rough. I probably shouldn’t have taken this many drawing classes at once,” Roxas said. Something he’d forgotten hit him when the topic of classes was brought up, and the feeling of a looming deadline put an uneasy feeling in his stomach. “Oh shit, I just remembered something,”

     “Yeah?”

     “I totally forgot I have drawing homework due tomorrow, so I’m not gonna be able to stay over tonight,” Roxas said.

     “Oh…okay,” Axel said, looking rather dejected from something as minor as cancelled plans. Picking up on this immediately, Roxas raised an eyebrow.

     “Dude, you okay?” He asked. “You kinda look like a kicked puppy right now.”

     “Yeah, totally,” Axel said, with barely any changes in expression to back it up.

     “You sure?” Roxas asked. He sighed and let go of his original plan not to pry. “You know…you’re acting sorta weird lately, and it’s worrying me. Is something wrong?”

     “Nah, really. I’m fine,” Axel insisted, smiling weakly.

     Roxas didn’t push it any farther than that for the day, and the worries stuck with him late into the night as he worked on his last-minute project.

     He tried his best to keep his eyes glued to the still life he set up on his desk, struggling to capture the objects in front of him with something as messy as charcoal. His attempts to focus on the small details on the pair of sneakers collapsed after hours of effort, the wheels turning in his head, slowly but surely making sense of what happened earlier that day.

     Sure, Axel wanted to hang out often, but he was never this…clingy. And yet at the same time, he was never this distant. The thought that Roxas could make him nervous would normally sound ridiculous, but at this point, it seemed like the only explanation. After all, if Axel was angry, he’d make it known—and do so rather explosively.

     _As terrifying as it sounds, I have to confront this soon_ , he thought, putting down his drawing pad to make his way downstairs to Sora’s room.

      He received a cheerful “Come in!” after knocking, and entered the room to find Sora comfortably seated on Riku’s lap. Sora put down his handheld game system and turned to look at Roxas.

     “You okay, Rox? You look a little sad,” Sora asked, tilting his head with concern.

     Roxas shrugged. “I was gonna ask you about something, but I don’t wanna bother Riku.”

     Sora exchanged a look with Riku and turned back to his brother. “Nah, it’s okay! Riku here’s pretty good with advice, actually.”

     “Let me guess, it’s about Axel?” Riku added.

     Roxas’s eyes widened so fast that Sora could imagine nothing but loud sirens going off in his head—he kept that thought to himself, though. Riku, failing to be as polite, let out a snort.

     “Relax, it’s not as embarrassing as you think,” Riku assured with a soft smile.

      Sora nodded. “Yeah, c’mere, are we coming up with a game plan or what?”

      “A game plan for what?” Roxas asked, as the terror in his eyes gradually eased.

      Sora shot him the most evil grin his baby face could pull off. “To get you two _smoochin_ ’.”

      Roxas sat on the bed beside them with a sigh of resignation.

* * *

 

     On nights when he wasn’t studying with Aerith, Cloud fell into a routine of quietly finishing homework with Zack at his side. They couldn’t be much help to one another in terms of the work itself, but something about Zack’s presence usually made the grueling hours of math bearable.

    ‘Bearable’, however, was not a word one would use to describe the evening Cloud was currently having. He had spent what felt like days on the same problem on a chemistry assignment, only to once again end up with an answer not even remotely close to one of the multiple choice options on the screen in front of him.

     “God dammit,” he said under his breath. He shut his laptop and set his work aside, putting his face in his hands. Zack looked up from his textbook and closed it once he saw the way Cloud had hunched over. He rolled the desk chair over to where Cloud sat on the bed and cautiously rested a hand on his back.

     “You okay, Cloud?” Zack asked softly, hoping to avoid any contribution to Cloud’s frustration. He braced himself for ‘I’m fine’ or an equally short remark, but instead received a response he hadn’t anticipated.

      Cloud let out a choked sob. As quickly as he could, Zack sat in front of Cloud and wrapped his arms around him. Cloud leaned into the contact, burying his face in Zack’s shoulder. He went from short sobs to bawling within seconds, and Zack wordlessly rubbed his back until the worst of the crying spell ran its course. He pulled back and his heart sank at the sight of Cloud’s red, tear-stained face. Zack couldn’t remember the last time he saw his best friend look so vulnerable.

     _Fuck, he never cries in front of me- or in front of anyone_ , Zack thought. _Something is seriously wrong_.

     He gently took Cloud’s hand into his as he spoke for the first time in minutes.

     “Hey, Cloud, I,” Zack paused, carefully calculating his words. “I know you, and I can tell this is something more than math.” He rubbed his thumb over Cloud’s, as a sort of physical way of saying _it’s okay_ repeatedly as he dove into a likely uncomfortable topic. “Talk to me.”

     Cloud let out a heavy sigh and fought the shakiness in his voice. “You’re not wrong.”

     “Yeah?”

     Cloud nodded. “It’s…a lot, though.”

     “Nothing I’m not willing to hear,” Zack said with a reassuring smile. He stood up and grabbed the box of tissues on his dresser to bring them to Cloud.

     “Thanks,” Cloud said, taking a tissue and using it to wipe his tears. “So, how much do you know about Genesis, exactly?”

     “Hm,” Zack said. “Bad decisions, not a great relationship with you, _really_ not great to live with...”

     “You got that much right.”

     “So, what about him exactly?” Zack asked.

     “Uh,” Cloud’s nerves showed through his face. “This won’t get back to my brothers, right?”

     Zack took Cloud’s hand again. “Of course not. This is between you and me.”

     “Okay,” Cloud said, stopping to think. “So, I know how stubborn I can be, and I know it can be a pain in the ass sometimes, but I think I know what it is now.”

      “Oh?”

      “Yeah. I’ve been thinking about it a lot since Gen spammed my phone on my birthday. I look back and, well…I had to be the perfect big brother. I remember, even when I was six, I had to be the responsible one. I saw him get us into crisis after crisis, and I just…somewhere in my subconscious I knew I could never be anything like him.”

       Zack nodded, giving Cloud time to collect his thoughts.

       “So, that’s where I am now. I’m, like, programmed to be such a perfectionist at this point, and it’s killing me, Zack”, Cloud said, tears welling up in his eyes again. “I can’t stand this. I feel like if I fuck one thing up, everything’s gonna fall apart again, and I won’t be able to fix it like last semester, and I’m gonna disappoint everyone.”

       “Cloud,” Zack said softly, squeezing his hand. “I have _never_ been disappointed in you. And actually, I’m really proud of you for opening up like this.”

       Cloud’s eyes widened. “Seriously?”

       “Yeah. I am.” Zack smiled. “I know how hard it is for you, and I think you just took a big step there.”

       Cloud pulled Zack into a hug. “I think I’m done talking about this for now, though,” he said.

       “That’s okay,” Zack said as he pulled back. “How about we call it a day and look at that homework tomorrow?”

        Cloud nodded. “Sounds good.”

        Cloud crawled into bed in the most comfortable pajamas he owned, finding comfort in the warmth of his heavy blanket, and in Zack’s strong arms when he joined him in bed. Zack pulled him close and Cloud leaned back against him, more than content to be the little spoon for the night.

        There was no easy fix for nights like this, when panic hit him in unstoppable waves and his chest felt like it might burst. Cloud had long accepted that as a fact of life, as awful as it was. Something about no longer sleeping alone gave him a new found strength, however. He’d be stuck with horrific nightmares no matter what, but knowing Zack was right there beside him, he didn’t dread the night quite as much as he used to.

        And even though he was exhausted from opening up, Cloud wanted to tell Zack everything. He wanted to tell him all of his fears, his horrible experiences, and his worries. He wanted to bare his entire soul to Zack, and to wake up in his arms every time a flash of silver hair crept its way into his nightmares.

        He…he wanted to kiss Zack.

        Oh.

        Oh _fuck_.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *sound of seatbelts buckling*


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In honor of 69 kudos, enjoy the first actually 'explicit' chapter.
> 
> ...okay, I was gonna post this today anyway, but I couldn't just not include that.

       Zack sat at the kitchen table the next morning, joined by the two younger Strife brothers.

       “Everything okay, Zack? You look pretty stressed out,” Roxas said, noticing the absence of Zack’s usual morning energy.

        Zack nodded. “I’m alright. Just didn’t sleep too well last night.” Some of the time he spent awake had been on purpose, wanting to wait until Cloud fell asleep just in case he was needed for anything else. He omitted that detail, though, as he was sure Cloud didn’t want anyone else knowing he had an anxiety attack last night. “You don’t seem too great yourself, Roxas. Something bothering you?”

       “Yeah,” Roxas admitted avoiding eye contact. “Something like that.”

       “Wanna talk about it?” Zack asked.

       “I, uh…” Roxas began, not sure how to approach it.

       “Want me to fill him in?” Sora asked, clearly more eager about the situation than his brother.

       Roxas shrugged. “Yeah, I guess.”

       Sora proceeded to summarize the events of the previous day, as well as the plan of action, which came down to Roxas directly asking the dreaded question.

       “Aww, Roxas has a crush,” Zack teased while ruffling Roxas’s hair, as if this information wasn’t already as clear as day. “Can I be totally honest?”

       At this point, Roxas’s face had probably hit the maximum level of redness possible. “Uhh, sure.”

       “I think he’s definitely into you, kiddo. I’ve caught him staring at you…well..a lot,” Zack said, grinning. Cloud noticed that pattern much earlier than he had, and Zack never heard the end of it from the protective big brother of the house.

        Roxas’s face lit up with hope. “You think so?”

        “Yeah, dude. I don’t think you have anything to worry about,” Zack reassured. He nearly teased Roxas about it more, but determined that he was probably embarrassed enough.

          Sora picked up on said embarrassment, and changed the subject accordingly. “So, Zack, anyone you like?”

           Zack took a moment to respond, thinking it over. “Uh…good question.”

 

* * *

 

 

       Cloud woke up feeling unusually well rested. _Suspiciously_ well rested, he thought, until he remembered it was the weekend. Despite feeling relatively well, he frowned at the absence of his best friend. He checked his phone and, as he expected, there was a text from Zack.

       **Zack:** _Hey Cloud!! Your bros and I went to run some errands and I didn’t wanna wake you up._  
       **Zack:** _We’ll probably be out for a while_  
       **Zack:** _Text me when you wake up & let me know if you’re feeling better!!_

       Cloud smiled at his phone, absolutely adoring the amount of care Zack expressed. Within a few seconds, his realization from the night before returned to him, and so did the overwhelming feeling of dread that came with it.

         **Cloud:** _Feeling a little better. Thanks, Zack!!_

       He had to think about this. Knowing Zack was attractive was nothing new, really. The only prerequisite for that one was, well, _eyes_. Being attracted to Zack, however, that was different. Different, and completely unexpected. It would have been confusing enough for Cloud to be attracted to just any guy, but it had to be his best friend, didn’t it?

       Cloud desperately hoped that this was some weird occurrence that would go away soon. He of course loved Zack platonically, so maybe he was just being hit with that especially hard.

        Physically, though…there was no heterosexual explanation for the thoughts that began to sneak their way in. His long eyelashes, the feeling of his muscular arms around him, the way his ass looked in the tight boxer briefs he was wearing yesterday—yeah, those weren’t things he ever thought about Zack before.

         He’d never thought this way about a guy before, and definitely had never thought about dicks like that. Or Zack. Or Zack’s dick. Holy _shit_ , he was thinking about Zack’s dick.

         As embarrassing as these thoughts were, he couldn’t seem to fight them off. In a way, this new territory was kind of exciting. Well, at least his body seemed to think so.

        _Okay, fine,_ he thought, sweating nervously and growing more impatient every second, _I’ll let myself run with this, if only just this once._ There was no telling when he’d be home alone like this again, so he might as well take advantage of the privacy.

        Cloud slipped his pants and boxers off, leaving them in a messy pile beside the bed. He leaned back and started to get comfortable, breathing slightly heavier despite not even touching himself yet.

        “Fuck,” he said under his breath as he wrapped his hand around his cock. It had been a long while since he’d done this, and even longer since any particular person made his body react in such a way.

        The thought of touching Zack was a bit too daunting for the first time ever thinking about him this way, so Cloud was set on thoughts of what Zack could do to him. He shivered at the thought of Zack licking up the length of his cock, pretty blue eyes gazing up at him. His movements sped up, his breathing growing more and more erratic, as his mental image changed to match them. He imagined Zack sucking him off as relentlessly as he stroked himself, taking his entire cock in his mouth by now. He rarely made any sound when he got himself off, but in this case, he couldn’t seem to stop himself. The blush on his face was now more related to physical exertion than his embarrassment, as at this point he was too far gone to care how goddamn weird all of this was.

         He’d probably regret this once he came, but in this state of arousal, he fully admitted to himself how much he wanted Zack. His head drifted between nearly all possible scenarios—taking Zack’s cock in his mouth, in his ass, and in every position imaginable. Cloud grew so engrossed in this fantasy that he was no longer aware of his surroundings, and fully immersed in this newfound lust and desire.

         So immersed, evidently, that he didn’t notice Zack opening the door until it was too late.

                                                    

* * *

 

         Zack’s mouth fell open at the unexpected sight, saying “Oh my god, I’m _so_ sorry,” as he scrambled to leave and close the bedroom door. He processed what just happened while he walked downstairs.

         He just walked in on Cloud masturbating. _Intensely_ masturbating. Zack thought he might actually die, and he could only imagine how much more embarrassing this was for Cloud.

         As if being embarrassed wasn’t enough, Zack found himself weirdly…turned on? He couldn’t deny that Cloud looked absolutely gorgeous, with his eyes half-lidded and his face flushed a cute pink color, matching the tip of his hard cock.

         Zack could smack himself for having such a thought, but from what he saw, Cloud had a _really_ nice dick. And abs, and face, and overall appearance. _Okay, Zack, you’re being really weird. This is Cloud for fuck’s sake._ It wasn’t like he hadn’t thought about guys in that way before, so he just wrote it off as him being excessively horny. _Yep. Time to pretend that never happened._ There was no way he liked Cloud like that…or if he did, he could totally just ignore it until it went away, right?

         His thoughts were consumed with the compromising position he’d found his best friend in, and an endless loop of _yikes_.


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was meant to be a short scene at the beginning of some other stuff, but sometimes extra chapters just happen. Whooooops

**Zack:** _tifa you’re not allowed to laugh_   
**Zack:** _but it’s 2 am and I can’t sleep_   
**Zack:** _I think cloud is mad at me  
_        **Zack:** _I walked in on him jerkin it and he hasn’t spoken to me in a solid 12 hours_  
       **Zack:** _tifa please help me_

       Zack put his phone down and rolled over, assuming Tifa had gone to bed like any reasonable person. That is, any reasonable person who wasn’t plagued with a vivid image of their naked best friend. The problem, really, was not that the incident had happened, or that Cloud was acting strange. It was that Zack _liked_ it. Was he prepared to admit that to Tifa, or any living soul for that matter? He’d have to see. 

        Aerith woke up the next morning to the sound of hysterical laughter coming from the room adjacent to hers.

        **Tifa:** _holy SHIT_   
        **Tifa:** _Zack, I’m sorry, but that is the funniest fucking thing I have ever read_  
        **Zack:** _tifa please I’m dying here_  
        **Tifa:** _But if you need to get out let’s go get coffee_  
        **Zack:** _can we PLEASE_  

        For once, Zack found himself grateful that Cloud was a heavy sleeper.

* * *

         “Boy, you look thrilled to be here on a day off,” Zack joked, sitting beside Tifa on a couch shaped like an open casket. (He wasn’t sure whether he’d ask where all the coffee shop’s strange furniture came from, or just _why_.)

         Tifa shrugged. “I mean, the coffee is good. I don’t mind, really,” she said. “And it’s always nice to see you.”

         Zack smiled. “That’s good to hear. We really don’t hang out enough.”

         “So,” Tifa said, preventing another tangent away from the behemoth in the room. “You saw Cloud gettin’ off, huh?”

          Zack groaned. “Yep.”

          “You enjoy the view?” Tifa asked with a smirk.

          “The _excuse me_?” Zack asked. _God, she better be kidding._

          Tifa crossed her arms. _Messing with these boys is way too easy._ “You heard me. You like what you saw?”

          “I—uh…um...what?” Zack stammered, horrified at his inability to deny it right away. “He’s my best friend, why would I…?”

          Tifa’s eyes widened. “Oh my god, I was just messing with you.” She felt a bit guilty, as she hadn’t expected such an incriminating response. She sat in silence for a moment, wracking her brain for some way to diffuse the awkwardness. “I don’t blame you, you know.”

         Zack raised an eyebrow. “Huh?”

         Tifa giggled. “I think you’re forgetting you’re not the only one who’s seen that much of Cloud.”

         “Oh,” Zack said. “I mean, I don’t…”

         “Don’t worry too much, Zack. It’s not weird to think he’s good looking,” Tifa said. “I haven’t felt that way about him in years, but I can still tell that he’s attractive.”

          Zack sighed, knowing he’d have to give in to that gut feeling sooner or later. “I think it might be more than that, actually,” he admitted.

          “Oh?” Tifa leaned closer to Zack. “I’m listening.”

          “Yeah. He’s…really attractive, and I’m noticing things I never used to about him,” Zack confided. _If I’m in this deep, I might as well let it out._ “I’m hoping it’ll just pass, but I don’t know. Something’s just weird about this.

           The Zack Fair that Tifa saw beside her was so unlike anything she had seen over many years of knowing him. Zack was known for how easily he could charm girls into falling in love with him—probably boys, too, but he hadn’t bothered with the whole ‘Hey everybody, I’m bi!’ process yet. In this case, though, Zack looked utterly lost. Cloud wasn’t just some pretty girl. There was no one Zack treasured as much as Cloud, so it was no wonder he looked so terrified.

          “Do you think you should talk to him about it?” Tifa asked.

           Zack shook his head. “God, no. I can’t. I can’t freak him out like that. He’s having a hard time lately as it is.” He took a sip of coffee as he processed what to say next. “Besides, I don’t even know what this is yet. I can’t bring his feelings into the mix without knowing what mine are.”

           “You have a point,” Tifa said. “I know this must be weird, but I guess the only thing you can do is think it over until you figure out whatever this is.”

           “Yeah, I guess so,” Zack said. _So much for not letting that one out of the bag._

           “So, as for him acting weird,” Tifa said, afraid that Zack might die of embarrassment if they stayed on that subject. “Just act like it never happened unless he brings it up. If you act normal, he probably will too.”

           “I think you’re right,” Zack said. “You do seem to know him better than I do sometimes.”

           He and Cloud had been best friends for the majority of their lives by now, but Tifa knew a great deal of information that he didn’t. Not that Cloud didn’t trust him any less, but Tifa just happened to be present for some unpleasant experiences he struggled to explain. Zack sometimes found himself tempted to ask Tifa what was meant by ‘the thing that happened when I was 13’, since she was somehow involved, but he knew it wasn’t his business until Cloud himself was ready to explain it.

           “The key word being ‘sometimes’,” Tifa said. “I love that boy to death, but I’d be lying if I said I knew what was going on in that head of his.”

* * *

 

            Cloud wasn’t entirely sure what was going on in his head either.

             Today was another classic case of his emotions and logic at odds with one another. Logically speaking, he knew that isolation and silence would not bring about any benefits. Still, for whatever reason, he kept up those behaviors anyway. His heart was probably more guarded than most national security intelligence—he knew this. Tifa called him out on it time and time again, but he had no idea how to stop.

             He wanted to stop acting like this. Cloud didn’t do an excellent job of showing it, but he did want to better himself. He could tell how much it hurt Zack that he didn’t always let him in. But how could he be so sure that it would go well in the case that he did? It was hard enough already, but with these new feelings in the mix, there was no telling how Zack would react if he knew everything.

             Even as Cloud warmed up to the idea of telling Zack the gory details of his trauma, he knew that his…well, whatever this was, would have to remain a secret. The word ‘crush’ seemed too childish to express what he felt for Zack, but he wanted to run for the hills any time his mind suggested anything starting with the letter L. He loved Zack, but he couldn’t be _in love_ with Zack.

             He just couldn’t. He couldn’t, because there was no way Zack could love someone like him. Aside from the obvious, that Zack was entirely straight, he was nothing like the girls Zack had dated in the past. Aerith, his most recent and most serious girlfriend, was so sweet and cheerful, and nothing like Cloud. No one Zack showed any interest in came even close to how fucked up he was. Zack’s type was ‘pretty bubbly girl’, and certainly not ‘emotionally stunted guy with a tragic backstory and several layers of trauma masking his actual personality’.

             And as for what happened yesterday, holy _shit_. ‘Embarrassed’ didn’t even begin to cover it. He could only imagine how grossed out Zack must have been from seeing him like that. Masturbation was normal and by no means uncommon, but Cloud’s insecurities didn’t leave much room for reason. Obviously, Zack had no way of knowing what he was thinking about at the time. Did that stop the intrusive thoughts of ‘But what if he did’? Nope. Of course not.

            The awkwardness would have to blow over eventually. Cloud’s avoidance wasn’t doing either of them any favors in that department, though. There was no way he could solve this jumbled mess in one day, but he could at least try harder to act normal. _Baby steps, I guess._


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey everyone! I apologize for another long wait!! I've been working on this chapter for months, but couldn't find the exact inspiration I needed until today. (Plus I've been working on getting my life together and stuff so that takes up a lot of my energy)
> 
> Thank you all so much for the kudos/bookmarks/subscriptions/etc! Knowing that so many of you took the time to read my stuff means the world & I appreciate it so much!!
> 
> P.S. I wrote this chapter while listening to Carly Rae Jepsen's album E•MO•TION and that 100% enhances the reading experience

       Zack heard a knock on the front door. It was a rhythm he’d know anywhere, although it had been quite some time since he heard it at his apartment.

       “Hey, girl!” Zack said as he closed the door behind Aerith and hugged her warmly. “It’s been a while. How have you been?” He felt a twinge of guilt in his chest. How long had it been since they last talked?

        “I’ve been alright,” Aerith said. “And you?”

        “I’m doing fine. Same old same old. Can I get you something to drink before we go?” Zack asked.

        “Just some water would be lovely,” Aerith said politely, although not that easily derailed. “Are you sure everything’s alright, Zack?”

        Zack had a panicked siren going off on his head, and wide eyes to match it. He should have known _that_ conversation couldn’t be postponed forever. “Uh, what makes you ask that?”

        Aerith motioned for Zack to sit beside her on the couch. She smiled graciously as she took the glass of water, but her face still very much spoke ‘you aren’t getting out of this’.

        “You have me worried, Zack. You’ve been so…distant lately,” she admitted, eyes fully focused on him. “Breaking up was a strange adjustment for me too, but it’s been months. Is something going on? Or have I done something to hurt you?”

        That was all it took to bring Zack from mildly awkward to absolutely crestfallen. “Oh my god, no, Aerith, of course you haven’t,” he said, none of the right words seeming to come to him. “I’m so sorry I made you even think that.”

        Aerith felt some of the tension leave her body—‘some’ being the key word. “I’m relieved to hear that. Is something else the matter, though?” She paused for a moment, and continued when Zack remained silent. “I know it’s a little different between us now, but I don’t care about you any less. You can talk to me about anything.”

        “There’s…something, I guess,” Zack said.

        Aerith raised an eyebrow. “Something?”

        Zack sighed and gave in. “Okay, I…pretty soon after we broke up, I started, uh, doing stuff with other people.”

        Aerith’s disposition lightened, having expected much worse. “You really thought I’d be upset with you for that?” Aerith asked.

        “Well…yeah. I didn’t think it through much, and I realized if you found out, you’d think I never cared. You know, with me moving on so fast,” Zack said, rubbing the back of his neck.

        Aerith giggled and hugged a puzzled Zack. “Zack, you really are too sweet for your own good.”

        Zack tilted his head in his signature puppy-like fashion. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

       “Zack, you and I both know it fizzled out for us long before we broke up,” Aerith said, placing her hand gently on Zack’s arm. “And I’m not saying I did the same thing, but I’m not saying I did,” she said with a wink.

       Zack gasped. “Damn, girl!” He laughed and reached out for a high five. “We’ve got some catching up to do, huh?”

       “Darn right, we do!” Aerith agreed. “ _That_ ’s the Zack I missed!” She said, going in for another hug. “Gossiping with Cloud isn’t quite the same, you know.” As sweet as it was for him not to say it, Cloud never looked particularly thrilled to hear saucy details about anyone’s lives.

      Zack snickered. “You’re right about that one. The poor guy knows _way_ more than he ever wanted to.”

      “So, on that note,” Aerith began with a sly tone, one that could only lead the conversation to the exact territory Zack tried his hardest to avoid. “Anyone special in your life right now?”

       Just as he resigned himself to that discussion, it abruptly ended at the arrival of his knight in shining skinny jeans down the stairs. If talking about him to Aerith didn’t kill him tonight, those form-fitting pants surely would. And his very visible biceps, thanks to his tank top. _Holy shit_.

      “Ready to go, boys?” Aerith asked, rather conveniently since Zack forgot how to talk for a moment.

      Both boys responded with a thumbs up, and off they went.

      Zack thanked his lucky stars he wasn’t driving tonight. It would be a legitimate safety hazard with his head so high in the clouds—pun intended. His heart felt so painfully full. Zack hadn’t felt this stupidly infatuated since, when, middle school? To make matters worse, Aerith put on her favorite cheesy, euphoric pop music, perfectly tying together his internal daydream montage. He stared out the backseat window in a daze, sneaking glances at Cloud every so often. Good god, he was so far gone.         

* * *

 

       The roar of voices could be heard from a distance as they parked near the townhouse complex. Before them stood the crowded, chaotic shitshow one could always expect from these parties. The size of the yard allowed for a vast selection of bad decisions. The bonfire blazed at a level that didn’t look entirely legal, and a number of tables had been set up for drinking games. He spotted Axel in the distance sporting an ‘Edward Fortyhands’—ridiculous, but not exactly surprising at this point. Puffs of smoke rose in certain areas of the yard, most likely unrelated to the fire.

        Quite frankly, Cloud was not feeling it one bit. Forcing himself to go out on weekends had its merits every now and then, but this party in particular was a bit too…people-y. He made a mental note to suggest a night in next time Aerith wanted to make fun plans.

        A sigh of relief left his body the second Zack walked toward Reno’s house. It surely wouldn’t be the quietest house in the complex, but it was inside nonetheless.

        Reno and Rude were nowhere to be seen, but the reek of ‘that good good’ coming from another room meant they were home somewhere. For once, he was glad Axel was outside making a fool of himself; the only thing worse than drunk Axel was crossfaded Axel.

        Cloud spotted some very ‘Axel’ wall decorations and rolled his eyes. The walls were adorned with several stolen street signs, a license plate that read ‘2HOT2HANDLE’, and ‘shelves’ made out of broken gate barriers, which could be found on campus parking lots when someone _really_ wanted to use a restricted lot before five PM.

      “Your brother’s best friend is a real model citizen, huh?” Zack teased, to which Cloud scoffed. Cloud could only hope Roxas wasn’t involved in the worst of Axel’s…adventures. God knows he’d never ask. He was still in recovery from learning Sora wasn’t as much of a baby as he thought. He shuddered and looked around for anything less gross than that to distract him.

       The perfect distraction came from a ‘meow’ from across the room. Cloud’s eyes lit up at the sight of a white, long-haired cat looking at him with the second prettiest blue eyes he’d ever seen. He cautiously approached the cat and kneeled down to pet him when he didn’t shy away.

       “Hey there, little buddy,” Cloud cooed, petting the cat gently. “You must be Reno’s cat.” The cat rolled onto its side, and Cloud took the hint to rub his belly. “You sure do like tickles, huh?” he asked.

      Without Cloud noticing, Zack stuck around to see some of that interaction. His heart raced at the short glimpse of Cloud’s softer side. Before he could get caught gawking at his best friend, he slipped outside quietly to let Cloud be alone with his new fluffy friend.

      Hours flew by, and Zack entered to find Cloud in the same spot, staring fondly at the cat cradled in his arms.

      “Hey, Cloudy, I’m about ready to head home,” Zack said.

      Cloud tilted his head. “Already?”

      “Yeah. It’s a little after one, and Aerith’s pretty tired,” Zack said. “You really like this little guy, huh?”

      Cloud smiled sheepishly, blushing a little. “He’s cuddly.”

      Zack’s good sense and willpower just barely saved him from blurting out, _I know someone else who’s cuddly_.

* * *

      Zack’s heart fluttered at the sight of Cloud sitting in bed, bundled up in a plush blanket. He smiled when Cloud closed the distance, leaning on his shoulder. Both boys paid too much attention to calming their respective increased heart rates to notice that they were in the same boat. Zack scolded himself internally. _Dude, chill. You do this every night._

     “I found something you absolutely _have_ to look at before you go to bed,” Zack said, opening his laptop.

     “Oh yeah?”

      Zack opened a folder labeled ‘freshman year’, and Cloud snorted at the sight of the thumbnails alone.

     “Oh my god, I completely forgot about these,” Cloud said.

     Both Zack and Cloud giggled at the first few photos of Zack’s brief photoshoot with the dorm hallway decorations they had rearranged one night, to the horror of their resident assistant. Each photo showed Zack holding up a peace sign in front of inspirational messages they had ‘enhanced’. What once read ‘turn your dreams into reality’ and ‘challenge yourself’ had been changed to ‘turn your dreams into realty’ and ‘chullenge yo elf’.

     Tears built up from laughing as they scrolled through the next several photos, all featuring the all-out war that spanned their time living on the same dorm floor. Their RA had meticulously decorated the floor with construction paper name signs, and other colorful decorations, which were soon moved to the ceiling, storage closet, and everywhere they did not belong. One of the best photos was of Aerith posing victoriously with Barrett’s room sign. It was a particularly coveted item at the time—mostly because he didn’t find their shenanigans as funny as everyone else.

     The real kicker, though, was a photo of Tifa squatting in front of a bulletin board on ‘The Dangers of Butt-Chugging’.

     “Holy shit,” Cloud barely got out, wheezing from laughter. He and Zack took a moment to calm down and wipe the tears from their eyes.

     “Wanna call it a night?” Zack asked.

      Both got ready for bed the same as every night, but before Zack joined Cloud, he plugged his phone into the speakers on his dresser and pressed play. Out flowed mellow acoustic music by one of Cloud’s favorite bands, like an extra blanket of warmth over the room.

      Cloud looked at Zack inquisitively as he joined him in bed. “How’d you know I like this?”

      Zack smiled and brought Cloud closer. “You mentioned it at some point.” Cloud made himself comfortable on Zack’s chest. “Sweet dreams, Cloudy.”

      He received a muffled “Night” in response, and tightened his arms around him.

      Cloud drifted off to sleep not much later, and Zack found his eyes glued on his soft features in adoration. It occurred to him then how lucky he was to be one of the select few who got to see Cloud like this. Very few people knew just how sweet Cloud could be, and even fewer knew what it was like to hold him.  The image of Cloud cuddling with a cat was likely stuck in his mind forever. No matter how hard he tried to put up his ‘tough guy’ front, Cloud had such a loving, gentle soul. Living with Cloud meant seeing that side of him more, and Zack found himself wondering every day how he hadn’t fallen in love sooner.

      Goodness, he felt so _small_ in Zack’s arms. Between his defined muscles and that stubborn attitude of his, Cloud could probably kick his ass. Nevertheless, Zack felt the need to keep him safe. Cloud felt so much lighter when he let his walls down. If only Zack could carry the weight for him in waking hours.

      He’d feel all of Cloud’s pain for him if he could. He’d do anything for his sweet smile to be a rarity no more. Zack had no idea just how much he’d taken that smile for granted when they were kids. Before Cloud’s mental health went south, he was just like any other kid—a bit shy, but no less smiley or playful than their classmates. Zack swore he’d never forgive whoever or whatever brought so much hurt into Cloud’s world.

      With every passing day, Zack found it harder to deny that his affection for Cloud was unlike anything he’d felt for him before. Zack had loved his best friend from the moment they met on the playground, but it didn’t feel quite so brotherly anymore. His chest ached, knowing he’d want to kiss Cloud’s face when his bright eyes opened the next morning.

      There wasn’t anything embarrassing about loving him, but so much could go wrong. One wrong move and he could lose Cloud, or break his heart. Cloud deserved the world. Zack knew that, and he’d give him nothing less—if by some miracle he’d be with him, that is.

      He had to know if he stood a chance. Sooner or later it’d eat him alive. Was knowing worth the risk, though?

      _I guess I don’t have to figure it all out tonight,_ he thought. Maybe someday he’d have answers. For tonight, he had the most beautiful man in the world in his arms, and he could live with that


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys!! I know it's been literally almost a year (forgive me, it's been an eventful one), but I'm back at it! I hope this was a nice surprise for those of you who are subscribed :^)

     The semester finally reached the expected level of obligations, and oddly enough, Cloud was a bit relieved. He usually struggled in his classes, but he was at least busy enough to worry about Zack a little less. Stress was stress, but between pining over his best friend and sucking at math, he’d choose the latter any day. Generally speaking, September flew by with little to no excitement in Midgar.

     Cloud soon found, when his phone rang and lit up with the word ‘Momma’, that in Nibelheim, there was much more excitement to speak of.

     “Genesis is _where_?” Cloud shouted, bringing out stifled laughter from Roxas in the backseat of his car. Zack turned to raise an eyebrow at Roxas, to which he just shrugged and grimaced. The usual family bullshit typically manifested itself as nervous laughter in the younger Strife boys, much to Cloud’s irritation. Sora and Roxas didn’t really know how to be angry—and Cloud sure didn’t know how to laugh it off.

     “I know, momma…no, I haven’t answered his calls,” Cloud answered, his tone softened with guilt. “I just…can’t now, okay?” His eyebrows furrowed as he listened to what Roxas assumed to be a mix of scolding and a wild new installment in the Strife family lore. “I know, momma. Yes, I’m taking good care of them. Love you.”

     Zack half expected himself to tease his best friend for being a “mama’s boy”, but nothing came out. Instead, blood rushed to his cheeks at the utter softness of his best friend. Part of him hoped he could bring that same wash of calm over him someday. Oh god, not like his mom, though. Weird, Zack.

     “So…dare I ask what the hell happened?” Roxas asked. Zack listened, but pretended to occupy himself with the scenery rolling past them outside the car, not wanting to get _into it_.

     “Mom got a call from Wutai,” Cloud began.

     “And…?” Roxas might be following. He hoped he wasn’t. Wutai was across the continent, even from their hometown.

     “Genesis is there. Somehow. Said he hitchhiked there or some shit,” Cloud said, showing the ‘yeah, this might as well happen’ defeat that only the second oldest sibling could.

     “Holy fuck,” Roxas groaned. Laughter broke through his irritation, though, and Cloud shot a look through the rear view mirror. The more pissed off Cloud looked, though, the less Roxas could control his laughter.

    “I’m s-sorry, I’m just,” Roxas said, laughing too hard to speak properly. “This _fucking family_.”

    “Hey man, it is kind of impressive he made it that far without a license,” Zack added.

[ something something tie this together]

   “Fuck, man, would it really kill them to build another parking garage here?” Zack complained, after several minutes of circling the stadium parking lot.

   “They sure do seem to have the money for, you know,” Roxas said, gesturing to the surrounding sporting event he didn’t know the first thing about.

   Cloud picked up the pace and gestured at the other two to do the same. “C’mon, we gotta mosey. Don’t wanna miss Sora’s big debut!” Cloud moved forward with what Zack would almost call…a spring in his step? His typical gait ranged from ‘depressed walrus’ to ‘determined hitman on his way to finish the job’, but never excited, or peppy, at that. Zack’s cheeks felt warm as he caught up to his best friend, making sure to steal a glance at his ass on the way. His black jeans may as well have been vacuum-sealed to his body, and the matching tank top gave Zack one hell of a gun show. He’d poked fun at Cloud’s dedication to the goth look, even at a football game, but he pulled it off. Frustratingly well. Almost so well that he might not get annoyed when Cloud inevitably complained about the heat.

   The three found their way to their reserved seats in the expansive, already loud stadium. Seats were quickly filling up with flocks of fans dressed in yellow. Fans all over could be seen in strange variations of yellow feathers-- and even weirder, unnecessarily sexual variations in the student section, in which most students were already drunk off their asses. In the two years before, you couldn’t have paid Cloud to go anywhere near the hordes of drunk idiots yelling “KWEH!”, but for Sora, he’d put up with any level of nonsense.

   Roxas received some close-up nonsense, in the form of a snapchat from Axel, sans shirt, beer in hand and wearing…chocobo nipple rings. Wearing chocobo nipple rings, a chocobo hat, and gold glitter makeup, and yet he would undeniably still fuck him without question. His face turned a deep red, and Zack’s eyes were on him with a raised eyebrow.

   “You okay kiddo?” Zack asked.

   “Uhhhhh,” was all Roxas could get out. He quickly showed Zack the photo before it disappeared, and Zack failed to suppress a snort.

   “Huh, I bet you’re into that, aren’t y—“

   To Roxas’s relief, he heard the distinct sound of the tunnel opening and loud drum cadences began. All three boys shot up in their seats like three proud parents as they set their eyes on the end zone, looking for their pride and joy.

   Hundreds of figures came running in perfectly straight lines, looking like a silly flock of birds with their fluffy yellow plumes wiggling with the movement. The faintest sound of chanting came from the winds, but no discernable words could be made out—knowing what college kids come up with given the freedom, that was probably for the best. The chanting turned to yelling, and came to a dramatic halt when all 400 members made their way into a block on the field.

   “Guys! Guys! I think that one’s Sora! He said he’d be on the forty yard line next to the-“

   Before Cloud could finish, a massive wall of sound smacked him square across the face. He stared, wide-eyed, at the sheer volume of what his little brother had worked so hard in for months. He could feel the vibrations hitting his face; or maybe that was just his face flushing with pride and warmth. 

   When they _moved_ , though—that was when all three of them lost their minds. All three boys cheered their heads off, pointing at Sora, watching his little legs move in perfectly pointed high steps. If anyone around was bothered, none of them noticed. They were too busy yelling “SORA!” and “THAT’S MY LITTLE BROTHER!” to have any sort of volume control.

   Once they’d all yelled themselves hoarse and the band retreated to the stands, Cloud and Roxas huddled together, attempting to zoom in for a photo of Sora in his uniform.

   “Cloud, that’s the tuba section, you’re not even close! Gimme that,” Roxas insisted, snatching his phone back and scanning the clarinets for his brother. He grinned, snapping a blurry photo of an unaware Sora and his clarinet. In the row below, though, Riku took notice, and held up the usual ‘if you look at it, you’re gay’ hand gesture with a blank expression. Roxas cackled, capturing a photo of both Riku and Sora.

   “You can _feel_ the raw gay energy radiating off of this one,” Roxas said, giggling and showing the photo to Zack. _Takes one to know one_ , he thought to himself.

   Speaking of gay, Roxas found himself in an entirely stereotypical predicament: he was going to have to sit through an entire football game. Cloud, seeming to have the same realization, glanced at his brother, unsure of what to do with himself until halftime. They could watch, they supposed, but it was perhaps the least interesting thing that they could think of.

   Zack, meanwhile, had already found things to yell at the refs about. Cloud and Roxas shared a sympathetic look, taking out their phones to scroll aimlessly until something interesting happened.

   Having almost made it through the second quarter, Cloud found himself staring fondly, watching Zack cheer along with the rest of the crowd. The sound of “Let’s goooo Chocobos!” inevitably got annoying after a while, but not when Zack did it. Well, maybe a little. Nonetheless, he found it oddly endearing, and a dorky grin spread across his face. Roxas covertly watched his brother make googly eyes at Zack, making a mental note to tell Sora all about it later. The cute situation of theirs was a long time coming, and he could hardly wait to see it unfold. One, because Roxas admittedly loved a little drama—it came with the whole gay territory. Two, because his big brother deserved to find love. Tifa was good to him for as long as that lasted, but she was ultimately too much like family for that to work. Zack, though, he could see with Cloud long term. Hell, they already skipped to the domestic stage as it is.

   The event briefly captured Roxas and Cloud’s interest again when the band returned to the field, this time with a set of recent pop songs that Cloud only kind of knew. All three boys stood and met it with the same enthusiasm as pregame, and then the Strife boys returned to their boredom for the next half.

   When the game finally ended, the boys left to meet Sora and Riku at the practice field. Sora, hand in hand with Riku, trotted toward his brothers, cheerful as ever, if a little bit dizzy.

   “How’s our shining star doing?” Zack asked, stealing the first sweaty Sora hug. Sora smiled, hugging both his brothers.

   “I’m doing great! Did you guys like the show?” Sora asked.

   “We sure did. You did a great job, kiddo,” Cloud said, smiling and ruffling Sora’s hair.

   “Whaddya say we treat you to some ice cream for your first game, Sora” Zack asked, almost looking…fatherly.

    Oh no. Cloud was not doing this. He was absolutely _not_ thinking about Zack raising kids. 2.5 kids and a picket fence. With him specifically.

    Shit, he could really see it. They were already living together with his younger brothers, sleeping in the same bed...he could deal with that kind of domesticity for longer than a school year. Maybe the rest of his life.

     Cloud caught himself staring throughout the night, watching how Zack loved his brothers like his own family. Then again, in a way, they were. He could really see the two of them starting a family of their own.

     God, Cloud would totally adopt Zack’s babies.

     Here he was, thinking about marriage, kids, even, and still couldn’t tell Zack he just maybe liked him. Even a little bit. And yet, the thought of their future consumed him. He couldn’t live inside his head forever, but he couldn’t quite tell his best friend how intensely he felt either. He couldn’t do anything without the premise of needing comfort, and he was thinking about kids.

     Well, fuck. This might as well happen.

        

 

**Author's Note:**

> Huge thanks to my beta crotchpap for helping me with this!!


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